hey everyone!
It truly has been a hot minute since I have posted a vlog or a blogpost, and for that I'm really sorry! Usually I would make the excuse that I am really busy, but if I'm honest...I really just wasn't able to film anything as I simply lacked the motivation and the productivity to do very much.
The past couple of weeks have been interesting, because even though I was on break, and had great opportunity to make the most of free time to explore new hobbies or hang out with new people, catch up on study or just genuinely spend time resting, instead I regrettably fell into sins of sloth and laziness.
Looking back on it, I'm kinda sad that I can't exactly pinpoint anything super exciting that I did the past month. It's all just a blur of nothing-ness and I don't even feel that rested if I'm honest.
The worst thing I let go of was my habits of daily bible reading, quiet time and prayer. I was really glad that I built up a really solid habit of doing it daily, to the point where my day didn't feel complete without it. I was spending more and more time in the book of Isaiah and was really connecting with God's Word there, and having some real fun, intense and convicting conversations with God. But just one day, I just stopped. I just couldn't be bothered, and for some reason, there was a voice in my head that kept telling me to ditch it for a little while, to take a break from it all.
And so I did. I just didn't think about bible reading and prayer for a little over a week. I didn't log into Zoom for bible study and church. And I found that that was probably the most detrimental thing I could do. My thoughts became so messy and just really fluffy and baseless. So many random thoughts and compulsions just went through my head and as my mind continued to find more and more topics to question and delve into, I was filled with so much fluff but with no tangible answer to anything. I sometimes felt like I was just up in the clouds, detached from my life back in Sydney and just surrounded only by the confinements of my room, with nothing to pull me back down to earth, nothing that helped me feel stable and grounded, nothing that really gave me a sense of consistency.
I didn't realise how important bible reading and prayer actually was just to function in daily life. Even on days that I didn't necessarily feel super refreshed or mind-blown from my time with God, I didn't realise the sense of comfort and hope it gave me. There was always a direction, always a message of righteousness and forgiveness, always a hope of deliverance and everlasting love. Being reminded of it everyday naturally led me to live better. It's something I totally took for granted, and it sucks that I have only just realised how truly precious and necessary it is.
It's been about a week since re-committed to gaining those habits back, and it's not like that it's a plaster easy fix either. It's crazy how long it takes to build up a good habit, but how fast it is to break one.
That being said, I am still thankful to God for giving me his Spirit and allowing me to realise these things, to realise how truly precious His word is, and how much He truly loves me. Despite me continually figuring it out, stuffing it up, and trying to figure it all out again, He never left my side. Through it all, He stayed committed to me. What an amazing God we have :)
Anyways, that's just a bit of an update/reflection from me. But I've thankfully regained a sense of focus and motivation to make the most of the time I'm blessed with here. I'm getting to know people better here, still using my time poorly but definitely better, I've got a 14 day ab challenge that I'm in the middle of (will defs post results!)....I've even been able to have some really awesome gospel-centred conversations. I'll talk about those in another post.
And even though I still miss pho, there is a million and one things for me to be thankful for. Praise be to God!
Kommentare